This, from the 6 AM flight, the air­port in Chicago, and the friendly, mid­west­ern home­land secu­rity voice, likely a for­mer Bears announcer.

The threat level is at orange
today; And I have back pains;
And you are a sin­ner;
And we are going to die soon;
Do not leave your bags.
unre­quited love, dimin­ish­ing prospects, can­tan­ker­ous
mother, phi­lan­der­ing hus­band, expen­sive diesel, culture-deep
iras­ci­ble worry; I am going
to that great big place
in the sky where
the threat level is at green
always; And you can give
your bag to a stranger.